How to Stop Seeking Approval From Others

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been quietly seeking approval to publish my articles in publications on Medium.

Medium is a platform for writers to share their work and where readers can read all kinds of content.  A Medium Publication is a curated list of articles usually surrounding a specific topic.  Writers submit articles for approval to different publications. Each publication has editors review submissions and select which articles get shared with subscribers to the publication.

If you enjoy reading, this is the best place to hang out online.  You can read articles suggested to you or search for specific topics.

I shared my work on Medium to reach people using the platform who are dealing with anxiety.  When you’re trying to help others, meet people where they are.  Do not expect everyone to flock to you, go out and find them.

Finding Acceptance

So, I’ve been spending time on Medium. Connecting with people and sharing posts from my blog and I’m glad to say, it’s been mostly positive.

It blessed me to have my work featured in a large publication. Because of that spotlight, nearly 900 people read “When it Feels Impossible to Go On,” and are sharing it on social media.

  So there I was, riding a high and feeling accepted.  I felt validated that my writing was good and that what I had to say really mattered and was making a difference.   I enjoyed that feeling so much that I submitted more articles to other publications.

Chasing the Wrong Goal

But this time, instead of approval, I was denied. The publications I sent articles to told me my articles didn’t fit with their tone.  Others didn’t even bother to respond to me at all.

I thought I was doing the right thing and that my work belonged right up there with everyone else’s.  But they didn’t accept my work.

Initially, frustration took over. Now, I realize, I was wrong.

While I wanted to get my writing and my message noticed by more people, I realized I was seeking approval for the wrong reasons.

I wasn’t just trying to help spread the word about Discarded Anxiety to help people, I was seeking approval from people who I thought validated me as a writer.

I felt if I could get them to share my writing, that would mean that I was on my way to becoming… something.  I’m not even sure what I thought “something” was.

Even reading this story, you can see how my focus shifted from trying to reach people in need, to trying to gain validation for myself.

The Blessing in Rejection

Thankfully, I was denied those opportunities and rightfully so.

I shouldn’t have placed so much value in the opinions of editors, especially when they didn’t represent my target audience.

It would be awesome to have my work shared with hundreds of thousands of people, but not at the expense of forgetting who I am and who I’m here to serve.

I’m here to serve you.  Yes you, sitting there on your computer or phone, reading these words.  My goal isn’t to grow the largest blog in the world, my goal is to help you manage the anxiety that keeps you from living to your fullest potential.

Yes, I’ll still be submitting my work to Medium, but it won’t be with the goal of getting the most eyeballs on our community here at Discarded Anxiety.  My focus will be on reaching those in need of encouragement and guidance to help them overcome anxiety.

Validation is exciting, but it’s important to maintain an unobstructed view of your goals.  Otherwise, we may trade our work and our ethics for a pat on the back instead of what we initially set out to achieve…. a changed life.

Next Action Steps

When dealing with social anxiety, we often desire approval or acceptance by people who may not always have our best interest at heart.  In the comments below, share your ideas on how to avoid this problem.

For example: Instead of seeking the approval of others, remind yourself of your goals and why those goals are important to you.  Take comfort and confidence in knowing that you’re working toward a worthy goal or cause regardless of anyone else’s beliefs.